Elena Mateus: Studying Abroad with a Queer Identity Q&A

University of Carlos III in Madrid, Spain

I knew I wanted to be in a Spanish-speaking country in Europe. I was able to do this program even though I had completed only a few semesters of Spanish. And the program allowed me to continue learning the language while abroad.

I was interested in trying out for the volleyball team and I wasn’t too sure about it at first. But after speaking to the program director I decided to try out for the team. It was scary at first because I didn’t know much Spanish and I wasn’t even sure how long the tryouts were going to last. But in the end that was key for me to find community and it was something I cherished. 

There was also an organization in Madrid called City Life that put together 1-2 day trips for study abroad students, and I became close to people through that. I realized I wasn’t the first person looking for community while abroad. Essentially everyone was in similar shoes and looking to make new friends.

Madrid was very accepting but not always perfect. There were certain neighborhoods like Chueca that were super fun and known for being queer friendly. I mainly just trusted my gut and used inclinations about whether or not I could take the risk to trust people in terms of being LBGT friendly. 

I also met a girl from Rome on my volleyball team that I ended up dating. Unfortunately, being LGBT is not totally accepted where she’s from. She said she wouldn’t be able to even hold hands romantically with someone of the same sex. In Spain, though, we were both able to find that sort of freedom together. Regardless, it’s scary to know you’re in a new place. My host family knew I was dating someone, but I was hesitant to tell them she was a female. Once they found out they were super excited and accepting! But I think that our LGBT community shows up in every community. And it doesn’t matter who you are or where you are because we are everywhere. Trust yourself and don’t be afraid to reach out.

I would absolutely still play volleyball and I would still want to stay with a host family if I could study abroad again. My host family taught me how to understand the culture, transportation, and everything else in order to be successful in my study abroad journey. Because they did a phenomenal job taking care of my basic needs, I was then able to focus on myself. And that opportunity to work on myself was crucial for me. I also kept a journal about my experiences and I still look back on it today and relive some of my favorite memories. 

If I studied abroad again I would take more classes in Spanish. I was hesitant to take all of my courses in Spanish because I wanted to maintain a certain GPA. But looking back, I wish I had taken a bigger leap. I also would have liked to stay longer after my program. Some students waited to buy their flights home so they had the flexibility to travel and explore after final exams. It would have been really cool to find a queer club on campus but I never looked into it. In the end, even if I have regrets, I have learned from them. It’s all a learning process, and I had an incredible time abroad. 

I actually almost went home early from my program but I reached out to my program director for help. I was really homesick but I was able to work through those issues and I stayed for the whole program. It’s important to use the resources offered to you. I started going to therapy while abroad and it ended up being a deeply transformative experience. Reach out even if you think you need even a little bit of help. I became very close to my therapist and my final homework assignment was to write a letter to someone starting their study abroad journey. Overall, it was a life-changing experience. 

Just know that you might feel different but I promise you that even the cisgender, heteronormative person next to you also feels uncomfortable. Studying abroad is uncomfortable. You will probably have some hard times. But you should know that the LGBT community is everywhere and it’s a matter of being patient and knowing that you’re not alone. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed. I thought I was the only one that felt alone but in reality that was everyone. You can and should reach out to people you think you can trust. Those people will be there for you. It’s scary, but these risks are worth taking. Trust your gut. Stay present. Studying abroad is unique and it’s a time where you can focus on yourself. It’s truly a once in a lifetime opportunity in which you have minimal responsibilities and you can take the time to learn about yourself, who you are and what gets you excited.